.Cheer,we need it.

the time

2011-10-27T06:45:00.000-07:00

i knew this is the time

i don't know how would things turn out to be

i just want to give it blast

i want mama and papa be proud of me

i might not be the child whom can bring a trophy back

but i know what i wanted to do in my life

i know, what should i be plan in our future

my future never wanted miss out your attendance in my life

whatever it is,i want you to know,i love you papa and mama

.feeling.

2011-08-18T03:55:00.000-07:00

all of the complex feeling..

all of the things had happened..

you do not know how to spill it out in words..

i feel really bad..

you just want to "spill" it in tears..

.exam.

2011-07-26T05:18:00.001-07:00

i just wanted to pull this shit off in a nice way.thats all.

.pathetic.

2011-07-04T07:10:00.000-07:00

don't ever be pathetic to yourself,

over all the obstacles,

you did great!!

i might think that is not fair for me to go through all this

sometimes,i just felt sorry to myself,because of all the challenges that i have to go through

but,that just a pathetic thought

no one will help you if you don't even want to help yourself

no one will support you,if you don't first support yourself

no one will love you,if you don't first love yourself

i just wanted to say these to myself,"you have done great!"

keep this thinking in your entire life,you won't be live like puzzle

sometimes,we just need someone to comfort

or even a simple "how are you?are you doing fine?"

or even a hug is better.

but,please hug yourself before others do it to you,

it is a better pain relief than others does.

please rub the hair of your love ones

please hug your love ones

please,just let him or her know that,

HE/SHE is precious;))))))

.leukaemia.

2011-06-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

that is what exactly scared my ass off.have watched about it in a drama,

it said,when you are a genetic carrier,and you are in depression,and you get sick,there is a big chance for the abnormal white blood cells

to knock you down at that time.

yes,acute leukaemia did knock my mama down.so i counted as a genetic carrier?i won't be knock down by it.to fight it off,depression please leave me alone.and thanks god that,i'm not alone in this world..i just love the live that YOU and mama gave to me;)))

.sound.

2011-06-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

it started again..again..it sounds like this..wuuuuuuuuuuungggg..for a minutes..

.dream high.

2011-06-02T23:58:00.000-07:00

Have finished watched this drama in 2days..what can i tell you?

it super duper inspired!!!yes,we have a dream.i want to grab mine too.

dream is not far,is in your hand.it is in our hand.

i'm doing it,i holding it,never let it go..

who you are

2011-06-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

who you are?did you ask this question to yourself frequently?undeniable,I DID..uncountable..

it always been that i wanted to be like her or him.

i wanted to be pretty or cute like her.

i wanted to be rich like him or her.

i wanted to be smart like him or her.

i wanted to be tall like her or him.

i wanted to be a good swimmer like him or her.

i wanted to have a good voice like her or him.

i wanted to be everyone's good things.

BUT,heyy..

i'm sure that i am good for who i am now,you never know what they faces for their's good.

but i know what i am going to faces for what i have now,

because,it just GOOD.god created me this way,as how HE wanted.

.war.

2011-05-28T06:11:00.000-07:00

i will try my best to win for whatever i think is right

but i will definitely lose in family war

whenever want to speak out the right for myself to my families

i'm the one who lose

tears drop involuntary

i hate it

i just can't control

try it as many times

tears drop as the times

i admit,the heart broken and the disappointment

u can't denied it,it just feel so strong

this means that,i really love them as my family

i love you,papa,[mama],kokos'and koko's lao po;)

.unusual.

2011-05-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

stand up when u fall down

cry out when feel hurt

this is what all usual thing that we do

but did you thumbs up when others doing the great things?

.help.

2011-03-11T06:09:00.000-08:00

too busybody to helping out?or heating up the situation?
so am i out of everything now?nooo,i think i won't..
i just know how human acts now,the bad side,i saw it.

.world.

2011-03-11T03:16:00.000-08:00

why i wanted to go africa so badly?you will see it someday..but when the day have come,i might..
be prepare everything of mine..everything that you can think of..
i'm still wondering that,with my little effort,can i really change the world?
or else,i should be changing the world by changing your mind towards the world?
would you like to join me to africa and help the world?

.luck.

2011-03-06T04:51:00.000-08:00

you are lucky enough to live on the world?
you are lucky enough to leave the world?
so,is all depends on you.two distinct mind,which lucky do you choose?

p.s:optimistic thinking always the best choice;))))

.temper.

2011-03-06T04:19:00.001-08:00

fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine.
don't try to pissed me off..hmm..or i should say,don't try to blow me up..
if you did purposely,you will know that how big or huge is the problem that you will get in.
so step out from my temper.step into my peaceful world.

.silence.

2011-03-04T23:54:00.000-08:00

silence meant...

.true.

2011-03-04T03:11:00.000-08:00

i can't stop myself from listening his song-chris medina.his voice didn't attracted me,but his..personality..after seeing how he take care of his fiancee, you just wonder..will this type of guy exist in my life?if it do exist,will him be the one..thinking about all this,at the end,i will just screwed the fantasy by bringing myself to the reality,i don't need one to take care me.the insecurity of myself have take over the fantasy.it just need more time for myself.

.thanks.

2011-01-17T03:33:00.000-08:00

thanks god for placing all of you into my life.
thanks god for those who really help me face my hardship.
thanks god for those who concerned always about how am i doing.
i truly felt it,Your blessings..all over me,no matter wherever am i..
thank you,daddy,for being mommy and daddy in my life,you becoming a great Dad!!
thank you,bro,for being a sister and brother in my life,you can be such a good sister for bringing me to shopping.
thank you,ning2,YOU,and your family,such a superstar in my life,leading my life back to track
thanks you,piggies noobies,you guys are awesome in your own way,i have been myself when i am with you all
thanks to my church,a church is build up by you and me,you guys rock my years by bringing the presence of god into my life
thanks teacher(a special teacher),you the only one who really know my condition,you are the one who really did ALWAYS care about my doing.i'm touched.i never have a teacher like you;))

.sick.

2010-12-28T22:22:00.001-08:00

.i sick of being sick.

.exhausted.

2010-12-25T08:13:00.000-08:00

thanks god for everything!!!
finally everything done.exhausted in physically but not spiritually.
thanks god for that.
i wonder if she is still here with us,will things change to better way.
i just miss her so much..

.friend.

2010-12-23T08:33:00.000-08:00

when you have new friends,do you have the feeling that wanna know them more?
or even being their best friend?
will you?
do you need a bunch of friends?
or just a true friend that will be there for you?
are you a touch and go friend?
ask yourself,what you need.
i'm doing that too.
i don't want anybody get hurt :))

,uncounted smiles.

2010-12-16T01:14:00.000-08:00

what i wanted for my X'mas?
i want your SMILES.i have been keeping and collecting everyone's lovely smiles.uncounted smiles deep down in my heart.is not a addiction in doing so.is because,when your smile doesn't at there anymore,i will be there to put up your smile ONCE again.Smile is the most precious gift from you all.can i have your smile,please?;))

.the forgotten one.

2010-12-08T06:35:00.000-08:00

somehow,as time passed by,you and i will be the forgotten one.we once so closed as best buddy.but as time flies,you and i will be the forgotten one for someones'.have you ever think about this?yes,i was.i always keep my mind up to remember each one of you.i still remembered my first friend in kindergarden.but hey,i'm the forgotten one.is not easy to stuff everything in my brain,but in my heart,yes!!you are in my heart,i will remember each one of you in my heart.look in it,you are in there.miss ya!!i miss you,ning!!;))

.rebuilding the emotinal blog.

2010-11-27T07:55:00.000-08:00

here i am,
with all of you.i'm happy in the way of,i found the greatest love.love from god.is the everlasting love.i'm not seeking love,but i felt it. LOVE is the greatest thing than anything in the world.i'm around here to let you feel it.love ya;))

.ning.

2010-11-18T01:16:00.000-08:00

i'm smiled when she talked about my name:))

.beloved's hand.

2010-11-15T05:06:00.000-08:00

.she loves holding my hand.
.i missed holding her hand.

.sorrow.

2010-11-11T07:12:00.000-08:00

somehow..how happy i am..i still felt sorrow in me.hidden sorrow..it keeps me be me.not over acted..sometimes,i will thanks for the negative attitude.that isn't normal.but..

.repellent.

2010-10-04T06:03:00.000-07:00

i want to be a repellent.repel everything in my life.once problem attach me,i will repel it and not dissolve it as part of my life.responsible thought?noo.definitely is a no.been through this 18 years.yes,is a short period.make me sick of everything.everything.the world.a coward action.that definitely is me.let me be a coward for a second.i appreciate that.thinking the world,such a wonderful place sometimes,but with human beings living on it..what can u say?decoration for the earth?spoiler for the earth?depends on you..i just have to control my flow of mood.
i'm not letting the mood control my life..not even a second:)

2010-09-04T03:56:00.000-07:00

yes.at the end of life.we are just empty.hollow.

.badly.

2010-09-04T03:42:00.000-07:00

i want to go out so badly
i want to go shopping so badly
i want to eat icecream so badly
i want to meet my peeps so badly
i miss the one who called me ai ren so badly
i miss the one that loves me for her life so badly

.emotional.

2010-06-17T05:59:00.000-07:00

screw you whoever destroy my family or weakened my family bond..really..
SCREW YOU!!i protect my family..in my behavior..my everything..
really heart broken when i heard those words from the blood related families..
don't judge us if you are not live with us..i really doubt that did i really have all of you by my side..different sides of you all..sorry..i hardly recognize u all..
i thought i have family..so called family..i really..really..heart broken..but..still..
i will still love you all for the sake of GOD and MOM..

.dream.

2010-06-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

everyone want to live in their dream..yes..i was..before..but now..
i want to live in everyone dreams..i want to make your dream real..
not a dream anymore..but is your own story..
i wish i could have mine..but mine story is all about all of you outside there..
without you all..i'm nothing..without god..i'm definitely empty..
i wish i could be with you all every time..
love you all,my dear GOD,families and friends..

.abandon.

2010-06-08T20:29:00.000-07:00

yes..cannot admit that,everyone felt being abandoned before..EVERYONE..yes..i'm not excluded too..that is the reason why i don't let people feel that i am abandoning you..i felt that feeling before..suffer,upset,can cry out anytime,full of blaming.please..i don't want let anyone of you feel the ABANDON again..

.if,

2010-06-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

if the world without war,there won't be connection between countries..
if the world only exist happiness,there not gonna be any gaining..
if there are hope for cancer patients,there not gonna be mercy killing..
if there are love in this world,there are no worrying in this home..
if divorce happened,things gonna change to a better path..
if i was a boy,i can throw all the things and get away..
if i never gone through,i will never be myself now..
if i never start the "if" here,i will never think i am so blessed..

.sorry.

2010-06-03T10:27:00.000-07:00

sorry..i can't sleep..is too itchy for me..i tried to sleep..but..still i'm sitting here and typing..

.fast.

2010-06-02T01:42:00.000-07:00

i just can't figure out that..wao...is like a sneeze..happened so quick..people changed so fast..even can't figure out the speed..will i be one of them?i scared..but i pray hard that i won't..please..

.song.

2010-05-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

mum,here a song for you:

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today,

I would hold you in my arms,
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done,
forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this,

Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you

hurt-christina aguilera

.fake.

2010-05-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

ya..changed a lot..became more aggressive and extreme now..can i say becoming so fake..yes..i don't like it..fake..i really don't like it..

.challenge.

2010-05-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

yes..never updated my blog...since...an age??hey ya..i just realized that i still..still will cry when talk about mummy..but not feeling pain anymore..yes..if you dare,talk to me about her..i want to overcome it..love you,mum..and i miss your foods..you know what,mum..i never let you know that..i never appreciate your foods when i am in primary school..i used to throw it..yes,how foolish am i..really..a big wound in my heart now..because i..really missing YOU!!

.lost.

2010-05-05T08:51:00.000-07:00

i'm still finding my own way..yet still all of them seems like their futures is in their hand already..hard to lose it.i'm still finding the chances,the chances for me spread out my wings for myself and YOU..of course,the world..still..the chances will come by itself or..i have to find you??yet..i will still hold on..what i hope for my life and you mummy...

.happiness.

2010-02-26T08:15:00.000-08:00

i thought the only happiness i will only get from mummy.but until this day,i can found happiness on my sister-ning.she has her engagement today.em.i meant yesterday.when i saw her tears drop from her cheek.yes,i'm so touched and happy.finally,she found her true love-mr shafuan.this couple made a difference,not only one difference.but a lot.i am totally impressed.i was like the mummy seeing her daughter finally found her true love,this family's happiness,i felt it today.i'm very happy for you two little husband and wife.anyway,keep holding on each other hands no matter how big those obstacles will be.love you all..

extreme low confidence

2010-02-22T03:54:00.000-08:00

i hate myself being like this.struggling in my heart..cannot solve it.because it was only me will there for myself.i don't have courage to talk with people.i care how they think of me.i really care of their opinion.i hate this feeling.i hate it

.18th.

2010-02-06T07:32:00.000-08:00

never think of to have a birthday like that.i just think i'll have a birthday like usual.dinner with family,watch television..like a normal day.but mine celebration..started on 5th February..in my working place..playschool.it was a surprise party.was touched and happiness all around me..thanks god for blessing me a wonderful birthday.then,is ning ning..my dearest sister..she came to my house.she gave me my favourite cheese cakes..yummy..she know what i want and what i think of..is hard to find a friend like that.i love her.then,the next day..my brother.i never thought that he will arrange a birthday surprise for me.he just used his effort all he have.thanks bro,for letting me have a memorable birtday.thanks ling..you are everywhere with me.thanks god..i'm 18 now..

.missing part.

2010-01-31T23:14:00.000-08:00

i cried because of you.i smiled because of you.i still remember.i miss pass.because there were me and you.together we survive together we living.love you mummy..

.mama.

2010-01-15T07:31:00.000-08:00

is been a year..i'm sorry mum..for everything that i done or did let down your feeling.but mumy..happy belated..i love you always.like you do.and is 1 year anniversary that you went to happiest place.i'm happy of that..cause i know you will find your true happiness there.if you stay still here,i knew you will really stand so hard in purpose only to protect us.whatever things you done,the first thing that comes on your mind is three of us.i knew your heart is tired.mentally,spiritually and physically lost when you were sick.because you are not happy.when i saw you.my heart was tearing.i told myself that vision that i saw was not true..i told myself..that is only illusion.i scared.i don't know how to tell.i love you mum..and i miss you hardly..

.learning.

2010-01-15T07:16:00.000-08:00

sometimes,i will just shut my mouth up because i think the things that we talk about will badly hurt somebody.i knew that feel.but the time we gather up.those things will gradually comes out.because we are imperfect.we are humans.we have different thinking.because of somebody have different thinking then the person will be listed to weirdo.is cruel enough.i will shut my mouth up.i will.cause that action hurt people badly.we are human beings.the same species living together in the earth.i thought we should help and love each other in purpose to fulfilled god's wishes.i just thought.i thought.but that only thought.only.simply thought no added any experience.but eventually we grow up.we know the fact.some fact that we have to know.we have to accept it.this only see how you apply in your lifestyle.i will only ignore it.i will.i don't want to miss down my life.i have my life.no matter how bad or how good is it.i would not blame it.because is my road that i chosen.

.still.

2010-01-11T03:54:00.000-08:00

i will be good.not pretend but i trying to be good.in the way i am.although i have know the fact that somewhere is not perfect because human is not perfect.i will hold on what i have learnt in all of you.the bestest thing that i have saw in you guys.i just miss that time.never be polluted,still me.cause i holding extra strong in myself.i will holding on myself.i will depend on myself.i will extra love myself.i will love you all no matter you all still having me in your heart or not.still.

.am i.

2010-01-09T05:55:00.000-08:00

.em.
recently.i am so tired in mentally.everything went wrong.is not the way i thought or wanted.not a better way though but a bad way.is exhausted.sometimes i will get away from crowded people cause i think.when i get near them,they will think differently about me.in the bad way i think.thinking and guessing that much is really tiring and exhausting.but what have certain people done or did to me is really..can i say cruel?is not cruel..but mean in my way.is really upset.i am enough of the way all of you are.but other way perspective.am i got anything wrong.am i? am i? am i?tell me please if i am really did wrong.gossiping to one and other is not the way you can help the person and solve the problem.but getting worse on it.please,this is not the way.

.reminder.

2010-01-01T05:37:00.000-08:00

a reminder for myself must done so that i won't lost in mind.
do remember i'm not good enough
do remember god is with me
do remember mummy
do remember my family
do remember to pray a lot
do remember to clean my room everyday
do remember all my friends
do remember be humble always
do remember my dream
do remember smile always
do remember cannot lie
do remember treat people with a truly heart
do remember to be good with others
do remember let my mind be simple
do remember who i am
do remember i love all of you all

.the end?the start?.

2009-12-28T07:13:00.000-08:00

.pray.
is the way i am.i wanna be there to help helpless people.to cure them physically and let god cure them spiritually.i hope.i really hope i can do it.the dream is not just a dream.but someday.it will be mine story and not just a dream.mine own interesting story.i will hold own.hold tightly on you,my dream.do not to forget about the dream that i want to achieve.please,god.help on me.i know you will,but in a different way.

.hohoho.

2009-12-24T10:10:00.000-08:00

.hehe.
merry Christmas guys.this is my 1st year that i felt i really having a Christmas season in my life.that is fun and joyful.singing Christmas's songs,greeting people,a warmly smile all the time,presents giving and present receiving.i was stunned by the power of Christmas that affect all of us-human.it will be how great if whole time is in a Christmas season.no worries but only laughing.but it was the strategic of god why he doing the way he does to us.he want us to realize about what devil can done to us and how he can save us then trust in him.anyway,hohoho to all of you.ya,is you.merry Christmas guys and may have a pleasant year.merry Christmas to you too mummy.love you always.not because you love me then i love you.but i was born to love you mum.

.weird.

2009-12-22T09:20:00.000-08:00

.em.
is hurt.i hope is only unbalance of hormones and not something else.please god.just let me safely go through this year.please god.

.chu.

2009-12-17T05:32:00.000-08:00

chu,don't cry.cheer up yourself please.i beg you.please.don't cry.

.tired.

2009-12-13T06:39:00.000-08:00

.fu.
felt sooooooooo sad.don't know why.my heart is squeezing.

.farewell.

2009-12-09T22:20:00.001-08:00

.fu.
i'm building up myself..since that day..but my mind just getting messy,messy and more messy.i'm cleaning up my mind with all negative minded.people,everyday everything changes.so as i..someday..but just remember,i love you guys so much..remember the days i love you guys..maybe my love will bacome fade..but please keep in mind that,i'am in love with you guys..every hours,minutes and seconds..that was the day..i entered the school that i have selected..wao,i'm a noobie that time..with spectacles and center cleave hair style..everyone was like,chinese dude..i was so sad that time..no friends yet..haha..but being there for 5 years..you guys have became my mental and physical friends..i meant for the mental is you guys calmdown and comfort my mental while physical is you guys have so much energy to play with me..so touch..everybody..here's my big big thank you...I LOVE YOU GUYS..xoxo

.yeah.

2009-12-07T23:52:00.001-08:00

.ta-Da.
I'm back.haha.SPM is over.OVER liao..yeah...hahaha..just to announced that my handphone has been stolen during Spm.but my number still the same..so when you guys sms me,please put on your big big name..thanks guys..wanna go for beauty sleep first..love you guys..muaxXx..xoxo

.updating.

2009-10-31T08:33:00.000-07:00

.tata.
is been an age that i didn't updating my blog.i have a lot things that i wanted to write.but when i'm in of the computer.all the things just.flashhh.disappear.our's war is getting closer and closer.kinda nervous.i don't know whether i prepared or not.but i'm still trying to prepare.i'm still praying.is a long time that i didn't see my mum.miss her so much.sometimes tears just rushing out of my eyes.when i think of it.i still can felt the pains that she suffered.one of the school day.teacher siti ask me a question that punch my heart hardly.it was true but i denied it.i forces the tears to stay in my eyes.ning was there.luckily she helped me.....what i have wrote???felts like..nonsense..bulldog's poo..love you guys.

.holiday.

2009-09-19T05:57:00.000-07:00

ya,
all of us like holiday.ya,i meant love.but holiday made me..of course,lazy..laziness love me..but guys,HAPPY HOLIDAY and HAPPY RAYA..love you guyd..xoxo

.shake.

2009-09-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

recently,my hand often shaking.cannot stand it.
hypochromia,anaemia or even parkinson?
suffering.

.17.

2009-09-10T23:53:00.000-07:00

.em.
Sometimes i will said i'm only 17 years old when i wanted to run away from responsible
Sometimes i will said i'm already 17 years old when i wanted to do something.
so,i'm 17 years now.

the age where my craziness begin.
where my independent life had began.
where my life getting challenging as the time come.
God love us as He love me.

.blue.

2009-08-30T06:52:00.000-07:00

..blue period..not emo-ing..just..never mind..GOD love all of us..

.willing.

2009-08-20T03:26:00.000-07:00

.tu.
willing to go for a jog in the early morning.but no one accompany and bring me to do so.i do not need accompany if koko and dady let so.i willing to go watch UP also.who?who?who?who will accompany me.my ko ko?i don't think so.he's having a girlfriend now.i don't to be a bulb between them.same to my big ko ko also.always being a light bulb between two couples.haha.i just enough for that now.

.name.

2009-08-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

my mama gave me the name,Elisa
my brothers gave me the name,Mui
my cousins gave me the name,Ting
my friends gave me the name,Chu
I gave myself a name,called Louis

I stand strong when wild wind blow on me
I stand up after i fall down
I wake up from my dream
I pray every night...

XOXO

.party.

2009-08-17T23:31:00.000-07:00

.em.
ya.last Saturday,i have my party at elusion lounge,courtyard hotel,i borneo.is kind of fun when all of us gather up and dance all the night long.so we dance dance and dance.i met a guy also.but that not really important cause he kind of playboy.is dangerous when you friend with a guy like that althoght he is cute.haha.but..our party just hanging cause some of them wanted to go Barsu.so sakit hati..arghhhhhhh

.loving.

2009-08-07T02:10:00.000-07:00

.i love beach.
.i love SUN.
.i love wind blow on my face.
.i love to walk.
.i love to swing.
.i love rain.
.i love SKY.
.i love water.
.i love my family and my friends.
of course,
.i love her.
.i like to eat.
.i like to say "HI".
.i like to spend time with my friends.

.show.

2009-08-06T21:16:00.000-07:00

.wishes.

2009-07-09T05:50:00.000-07:00

i wish i could have a trip to north pole and south pole.
before that,i wish i can become a paramedic or a doctor.just wish to help people who in pain.share happiness with them.
i wish i can be happy all the time.not only me but the whole world.
i wish there won't be any war in this planet.
i wish you guys are in a good condition.
i wish there will be someone like Michael Jackson who will try to "Heal the world"
i wish..my family will be back on my side.
Love you guys.

.talk.

2009-07-08T05:13:00.000-07:00

someday on a Friday morning.i hate that day.when i said hate.i really meant it.i hate it.why they like to talk about the past.we not forget about the past if we are not talking about it.we just wanna let go.let go is pretty hard for us.is really hard.i promise myself not to think about it.not to cry.not to cry anymore.but i will remembered that for sure.on that day.they forcing us to remember what we really don't want to remember.that's cruel.i'm not the type who telling my story or talking about myself all the time.not even one time.sometimes when thay clap.they just wanted to give us support.if you don't understand us,don't dare to judge on us.

.friend.

2009-07-08T04:48:00.000-07:00

.em.
i hate to be in a fake relationship(friend).that's so exhausting people.i'm not having that kind of problem.i don't want too.ya,i really have a lot of friend's problem.since i was kindergarden till now?i think now.maybe i'm the one who really did not manage well in my friendship?can i use the word manage?sometimes,i just felt tired for tolerate.maybe i'll just pissed off.but i know that not gonna be happen to me.i won't do that to my friends.they are there when i need them.i should always keep on mind about that.maybe i just think too much.maybe the way i treat them was not correct.even hurt them.so i got on pay back by that way too.forget about it.i think too much.

.myself.

2009-06-11T02:50:00.000-07:00

.em.
myself?i have no idea what to write about myself.wait till find out who am i then i will continue this topic.

.new moon.

2009-06-11T02:45:00.000-07:00

.lala.
haiz.i just knew that the NEW MOON will be coming out during the SPM.huhuhu.i was planned to watch like everyday in the cinema.well,you will be seing me at the cinema whole time.oh gosh.i miss TWILIGHT.i'll watch it tonight.haha..eh,no no no no..add math add math..

.my way.

2009-06-08T02:53:00.000-07:00

.em.
life is exhausting,tiring...maybe interesting..well,i just lost my way in my life..i lost the one who am i..who am i was being..i lost my identity..i lost my characteristic,i don't even know my way to be..who can help me?if ago,there will be my mama..but now,i still don't know..maybe myself..can i help myself??human heart really can change so fast..i don't know why..ya..don't know..i cannot catch up all the step you guys left behind..but it's okay,i will never catch up what you guys did..because i will always love you guys..whatever you guys did to me,i will smile and don't even bother to it..smile all the days..kissy,kissy to
ning ning,steph,chel,shasha,amie,el,el,dondon,feichai,hubby,kimmy,jojo,and more and more..take care guys.

.mamamia.

2009-06-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

.smile all the days.
.oh my GOD.
everybody becoming so emo.they are emo-ing.i'm not good in talking and comfort them.i use my heart to talk with you guys.because i really not good in expressing my feeling.i'lll not be so emo.i want my life happy and interesting.maybe i'll die on next seconds,minutes,hours,days,months or even years.i don't know.cheer up guys.ningning,i know ur papa was went back to indon already.pray for him.pray him is always healthy,happy and safe.don't be sad,your papa don't want to see that.you still having him as your papa.and me as your bestfriend(if you still want me lar).sha,don't be emo.everything will turn fine.try to think wider.narrow thinking will never help you,it will just let you in pain.everybody is hurt by the love ones,but there are someone will always love you.trust on GOD and loves him.Brand,come and take your guitar when you free.no,no,no..is when i free.haha..sorry brand,but your's guitar is really really so so so big.and.i learnt how to tune the guitar already.and also some codes and strumming.i just love it although it hurts my fingers.well,haiz.never mind.is not time to talk about it.i still love you guys.

.trip.

2009-06-06T07:09:00.000-07:00

.hehe.

well,there's been 3 years that i never have a trip.just some problem bother of it.i have my trip to kundasang for three days two nights with my ko ko and his friends.that was so fun.i miss that time.the time full with happy and joy.no complication,no relationship(friends)problems.that's what i like.my ko ko friends,i meant my friends.stay with them was so fun.stay with very caring,mature and lovely people is so great.no emo,man.haha.well,they are the type of person no gossip,trust on whoever you are.they just so mature in thinking.i just try to be a person that try to look on my own weakness and not other people. i wish i could live in a village and not a town.

.EO.

2009-06-01T07:23:00.000-07:00

.em-hem.
i having my camp youth start on 29th until 31st.that was totally fun.haha.well.that camp's name extra ordinary camp.well,i just done something that i thought i'll not do it forever to betray my own GOD.but i just think deeply and clearly.i live in world is to learn good things.i learning in the name of Jesus and also LAO MU.i'm not betraying my own religion.because i' m not doing something bad to my God.i open my heart and accept Jesus.HE is my father.HE asked me to forgive my father.i'll forgive him although it is very hard.is really hard.sometimes,when you did something bad,the sins do not come to you,but is your loves one.the very very important message in the camp is don't be hypocrite.don't be faked,man.what for you did all the bullshit nonsence things.and finally,i'll open my heart to all my friends,especially ning ning.i won't be so secretive any more.no more for that.i'll tell it when it is the time.well,honestly..me and ning.in the name of best friends.but we not really know each other.we didn't have a long chat.like never.i learned guitar also.that was so fun.i have my first prayer during the camp.i prayed to have my family back.i prayed my mama was back.i prayed that i need not to having a life like this.i just cried like hell that time.i just cannot let go.until now.but i know,that was Jesus accompany and tell me all the truth.and..there is ning..she always love me.i want to show my love toward her too.

2009-05-26T07:47:00.000-07:00

.em.
well,well,well..ya,ya,ya..i'm updating my blog..haha..ya..updating..well,basically.i'm doing nothing in this week.nothing at all.well,some people ask me that:"do you have something to tell me?"ya,always.they always asked.actually,i have nothing to tell.really.i just learned how to let go.let go is the bested way to have a happy life.em.cannot denied that,i'm a human,human with some problems in my life.i cannot argue that are problems irritate my life.just i'm not the type who telling my problems to others.point of views help me to cheer up my life.i just look in a different way.the way that people seldom take it.i learned how to cheer up,how to stand up,how to fulfilled my life,how to work with them,how to socialize..just so many things in one times..that are the gifts that GOD and mama gave me..but i'm still learning..in the progress..never stop..as long as I'm see you guys are truly happy..emmm..well,another reason that why i don't want to my problem is.i have ever told a friend about my problem..but that person just like don't trust me.i'm not making a story.i never think something like that will happened on me..haha..

.mother's day.

2009-05-14T02:43:00.000-07:00

i just forgot.HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY,MOTHERS.i just forgot about it.haha.i know i'm so bad.as soon my mum left me,i just forgot about it.i'm just felt awkward during the card-made class.i meant mother's day card.hay.i have made a card to my mum too.haha.i know teacher just realized about me.it's okay.i can take this.i still have my mum in my heart.she always be there.
honestly, i just wanna have a stable and normal life.just hoping my family and my friends especially my ning ning always happy and stay healthy.and...i just don't need any memories.
memories,when it loss.it just make me painful.i just need you guys to stay happy.don't fight anymore.just take it.

.humans.

2009-05-14T02:30:00.000-07:00

.ha.
i just cannot do that.cannot.totally cannot.i just realized.my surrounding friend's friendship just cracking.you can figure out how bisa the human's mouth.really.human's mouth can let you in depression or even can make you die.just beware of that.i don't wanna be one of that.guys.really.your life is short.don't ever do something that betray your's nurani.

.experiment.

2009-05-03T09:22:00.001-07:00

.ha.
i'm missing for a few days.i think.where i have been.ha.i just planning some thing.and experimental on it.ha.i just planned not to sleep.because as the usual me will be sleep like more than 10 hours.is true.i just don't know why i need that long nap.is like i never wake up from my sleep.after i woke up, i still felt sleepy and tired.ha.just wondering why."what did i do to myself?"."nothing."ya.NOTHING!!!gosh.my body system just made my laziness attack me.shu lar you lazy womb.and now.i'm fighting with it now.fighting with my body system.go against it's law.haha.wish me good luck.i'm on for 20 hours now.that's only 4 hours to sleep.i'm a human being also.i need to sleep,eat,pee,poop, and so on.

.blek.

2009-04-29T04:48:00.001-07:00

.ha.
well.today.i cooked for myself.as usual.no appetite to have it.ha.i wanna have some ice cream.and some coke.i'm still thinking about the i.u day preparation.quite a lot need to prepare.guysy.let's make and do it together.jia you.

.super duper combos.

2009-04-28T04:35:00.000-07:00

.ha.
well.as usual.this evening,i stood in front the mirror.my hand start "itching".ha.there are tons of pimples on my face.ha.damn hot this few days.ohya.continue.so i started to press my pimples.this is the most enjoying time for the day.ha.first,i start with the pimples on my left side(forehead).nothing coming out.just some plasma and blood.ha.then,i continue with the middle(forehead).i thought there will be nothing to coming out.cause the outer skin just dried out.but i still can felt that it is swell.so i pressed.
"put-put-PUT".wah.there were like triple combos.all the nanah stick on the mirror.quite a lot.that's FUN.BRAND.you should try this.i'm sure yours will be much more interesting than mine.haha

.lies.

2009-04-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

.ha.
guys.here to remind you guys.don't ever believe what guys promised to you when you two in a relationship.that's totally just a lie.trust me.when you awake from the "promised".you will realize that the lie.is just so disgusting and ugly.but.luckily.i'm not really fall in love when in a relationship.i just soft-hearted to break up.that's the reason why my love can be so longer.is not because we love each other deeply.is just because i asleep in the "beautiful"lies.a lot of lies.when i woke up.is queit late actually.but.the happiest thing is.i woke up.i totally woke up from that kind of lies.but honestly.that kind of relationship will not be longer.cause.we cheat each other.from the start until the end.

.smile.

2009-04-20T06:58:00.000-07:00

.ha.
a lovely.warmer.cutest.charming.happiest smiley face to all of you guys.
truly from my heart.

:)

.cheer up.

2009-04-19T01:50:00.000-07:00

.tut.
what's going on this earth.problem comes and goes.it means it continuous to irritate us.guys,cheer up.ya,facing problem is part of our life.but,you can even don't bother it.is up to us.destiny.life.is in our hand.life is really short.cheer up guys.i don't even bother all the problems and went to swing.it's so peaceful there.really.

.up-up.

2009-04-18T03:37:00.000-07:00

.em.
ya.i didn't go for a swing today.ha.i listen to my ningning.and there are no one home.so i stay.well.i also can felt something can happen on me.just ignore it.psychological problem.duh.seems like everyone dying.ya.really dying.maybe facing some family or love problem.don't wonder why.ha.people.cheer up.let's cheer up.life is really short.say what you want to say.do what you want to do.take an action before life is ending soon.

.living.

2009-04-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

.lala.
that feeling is gone.felt so great.ha.well,i went to swing again today.ya.this time really alone.ha.but after 30 minutes i swung.someone calling.ya.that's my ko ko.haha.he asked me to go home immediately.wth.i just like stay at the playground like 30 minutes and you asked me to go home.ha.ya.i know you are worried about me.don't bother what aunt told you guys.i'll be okay anyway.maybe something will happen.i don't know.i don't even bother.i'll try to avoid that happen.i'll.ha.but just let me live happily.

.swingy-swing.

2009-04-16T03:53:00.000-07:00

.ha.
i went to swing this few days.ha.don't felt like stay in home.stressing me out.i felt like going to walk at my residency.alone.wind blew my face.and.i just waiting someone to appear at beside my swing.

.the one.

2009-04-16T03:29:00.000-07:00

.em.
i went to school like normal.but ningning knew i got something hide behind her.ya.there are something.but i just don't want to tell so.people even don't realize that i did really have hide something.but she's the only one who did really know me well.even i really good in hide my emotions and pretend normal.i play,eat,laugh,and talk like normal.then,i told ningning.just briefly.cause she knew i'll cry.i don't want to cry so.and i don't even hurting so.ha.ya.i fight with my dad last night.he's so unreasonable.well.i think that's all for now.

.bakat thingy.

2009-04-13T07:11:00.000-07:00

.ha.
well.miracle happened on my school.i thought we could not made it.because of my bad luck.that can easily be spread to others.but.there the light.lead us.we won for the Bakat Interact Maktab Sabah 09'.ha.really.thanks to those band and dancing group.you guys are totally great and awesome.is worth that my credit be negative.ha.here to go.thanks to all interactors whom helped on the sales.and me.of course.sms-ing participants to ask them relax.always asked them to relax.cheer,cheer,cheer for them.i meant wild cheer.that can brings to ear drum damaged.ha.great job guys.thanks.

.luck.

2009-04-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

.hu.
i'm in bad luck.bad things come over me.my life wasn't go smoothly.all the activities hang.because of me.i just wondering.is this a challenge?or karma happening on me?i just exhausted.with all the hard work i did.and at the end.i'm the one whom been blame and shoot.i'm passing through the hard path after my mama left me.i'm not giving up.if i giving up.please lead me.help me.

.duh.

2009-04-07T05:15:00.000-07:00

.finally.
I turn up so.ha.kay.let me start with 5th April.I have a dinner with my cousin.they came from England.for vacation and take a look after us.ha.they are so lucky to have a dad like Uncle Stephen.trust me.he's totally a funny.kid-hearted.and kind-hearted man.ha.
then.after the dinner.me,my ko ko and my nephew went for a movie."unborned" was the movie we had watched.kinda scary.but the ending was just...mess up the movie.ha.
i just write what i did remembered for now.ya.my vice.p.Dam Dam have a fight with our 'Angel' mumy.i'll not given so much comment about that fight.i just don't want their relationship to get worse.i'll be the one who suffering.ha.
well.today.nothing much.but.i'll not smile toBrandie again.cause i realized that just made him felt so uncomfortable.that made me felt like i going to hell soon.duh.
Kinda miss my mama.wherever we ever like.stay,shop,have fun...etc..the last time.me with her.i never know that was the last.the last time we went for yamcha,last time she cooked for me eventhough she sicked,last time we having a conversation.the last time i stay beside her.i really miss her.she's the only one that made me felt love.i live in this world because of her. and now.i just found a reason to stay at 'here' so.because mama hoping for me to success.and i gonna repay all sacrifies from my mama.loving you so mama.always.xoxo

.smiley.

2009-04-02T04:50:00.000-07:00

.ha.
smile can categorized as so many types.
lovely smile to my lovely ning ning.she always stay and support me.
senyuman bermuslihat to brand.ha.ya.i'm posting about you.
innocent smile to razdan.i really don't know anything.ha.
irritating smile to el el.you don't ever respect me.duh.

.true friend.

2009-03-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

.em.
what you really mean by true friend?i just asked this questions toward someone.but seem like he was so confused with that.but it does not matter at all,brand.for me.all my friend is my true friend.don't bother you stay always or stay far from me.as long as they still remember me after an age even they didn't like contact or meet you.this.for me.is enough for my true friend.ha.people will always appreciate you if u did it the same way with them.this called respect each other.true friend cannot stay together forever(physically) but in mental.they can.tut.true friend can betray you for some reason.they can even hurt you deeply than your lover.don't argue with that.i have been through.ha.because i know.they did not meant it that way.they just lost their way.and i should lead them.and not abounded them.remember.friend for a second,friend forever.

.ATTENTION.

2009-03-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

!!!!!!!TURN OFF YOURS LIGHT!!!!!

.sick day.

2009-03-28T03:49:00.000-07:00

.Finally.
Bakat Interact over.yeah.over.this made me sick of it,sick of my school,sick of the school rules.the program not really goes smoothly.because of the weird principal approve some M exam to held at our school.so.our volume cannot be maximize.i'm very very sorry guys.like to audience.and to our participants.p.a system in our school sucks.really sucks.i'm so sorry guys.finally.congratulation to Tearless Character and Sciatic Crew.you guys done a great and awesome job althought in a worse situation.really.just don't ever listen what some teacher say to you guys.i'll go and see you guys for the representative thingy.okay.and for interactors.don't worry about all the complains.because as i'm still at here.i'll carry all the complains on myself.just don't worry.

.failure.

2009-03-23T07:17:00.000-07:00

.ha.
this the first and will be the last time for me to failed p.moral.haha.
what the heck.ya.i failed my moral for the first and last.just wait for my revenge.he.i'm so a unmoral person.that's not a big deal.everyone will fail their exam.i think so.haha.so wait for me.i'll be at there.for those flying colors results.GOD bless me and you.

.stuffie day.

2009-03-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

.duh.
is 0125a.m now.i just came back from cinema.i have watched "hotel for dogs".ha.kinda funny and cute.i'm still not going to bed yet course i'm still not update my latest new.ha.let me recall what i have done today.em.em.em.em.be patient.i'm still don't remember.em.em.em.em.oh ya.i went to city mall this afternoon.cut my fringe and my ko ko.haha.u better ask him by yourself.then.i went to popular.i have bought some effective practice books.quiet a lot.while waiting my ko ko finish he cut.i went to vedablu.ya.alone.that's the way i always been.ha.i bought a scope of cream and cookies.quiet yummy.haha.i sat down there and take a rest.enjoying the situation at there.comfortable and relaxing.well.that's all that i remember now.my brain started tired now.ha.so.good night guys.xoxo

.reason.

2009-03-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

.ha.
reason stand for saving my life from death.
i need reason to live on this world and not survive.survive is you keep on working hard to stay alive.but.i'm not.i'm totally not that type person for now as for sure.ha.i sneezed just now.like usual.but there are something interesting.my nose was bleeding.the blood just smelled like rusting iron.ha.maybe what they said is totally not incorrect.i'm so hot.not "hot" but the chinese people said the heat that stay in the human body.i drank a lot of water.but that is not working.my big illeum just don't absorb it.and now.pimples got worse.people.i'm not stressing out.my pimples stressing out with me.

.pretending.

2009-03-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

.em.
felt so empty today.my heart is squeeze .i trying to cheering up myself.
i knew many things happened in an blink of eye.ha.
i have tried very hard to stand up and pretend nothing had just happened.
ya.i succeed.what i got is.painful in my mind.really.i just don't want anybody worry about me.and also my mama.there's a lot of happy time with my mom.
but that is past.just a memories now.ha.what a silly me.
trying to go back to the past.
by the way.i'll not talk about my feelings in front of people.because my tears is rushing out.i just need more time.
maybe so.

.promise.

2009-03-20T11:23:00.000-07:00

.tata.
is 0225a.m now.i still can't sleep.something going wrong with my body.yet.
i'm still reading onemanga.ha.
i think i'll going to see my mama with panda eyes tomorrow.ha.mama.
i'm sorry.cause i'm not studying but reading some unuseful comic.
after this holiday.i promise i'll study.as i can do so.ha

.continue.

2009-03-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

.ah.
my legs were so cold.and my hand is shaking.but here to say to you guys.
i love you,guys.i love you ning,like my husband and lesbo
i love you nu,like my sister and ever.ha.
em.i'll be continue writing.my hand is shaking.right now.