Back at it

 Hi, invisible readers

Back to here again after 4 years. I enjoyed writing here ,it's a safe space for me. A place that i may convey my thoughts and feelings ,safely and minimally .

A question that i have been pondering lately- Is this what i am gonna settled myself in? Am i the type of person that want to settle down or have i not just seen enough the world yet? or i am not satisfy with what i am having now? All these intrusive thoughts are slowly eating myself away. Or i am just ungrateful and selfish. I hope you are there to tell me what to do, ma. 

I enjoy occupying myself with tons of activities so my thoughts won't eat me away. Or chase me away from here again. Maybe ..i am just being a brat being ungrateful of everything. I only one life, one way to live in anyway. 

Live it, anyway, or any way you want it

Another day

Dwelling in the moment, with a glass of vitamin C, spring K r&b music with post workout flush- this is bliss.

Thank you for another day of living.

Live your day <3 p="">

IC

So during this movement control order period. I have picked up a new drama- Itaewon Class (IC)
Neither have i have any idea of what the drama was about, on the first look on it,i thought it was about boxing! Because all the casts seems so angry and mighty on the poster!Haha!

I have never wanted to watch it, but i was hooked up to the OST song first sang by the actor in running man! Then i am hooked up! to the song and the actor..hahahaha. my heart flatter so much when i heard him sang and i am smiling while i am typing this, sorry Sam.hahaha

I won't talk much about the drama because there are plenty reviews out there that are way better than mine, but the summary is , " as long as you live, you can overcome anything. " It was an inspiring drama, with not much cheesy-ness in it, it was worth watching. But , i think the OST are all worth listening ,even i don't understand the language, but the songs are ohm!

Go and listen it! Oh! Live your day <3 p="">

Twenty-20

Twenty-20

Today marked the day of me and my dad blasting the music in our own room with our own genre of music in this rainy afternoon- noise,but bliss because we are still surviving from the whole chaotic situation. We've come a long way,still going through a long way..

It has been so may years since the last post,because.. i couldn't find a way to login into my account or should i said am afraid to look at what i have written in the past.

Seeing the old posts, make me feels like.. I've definitely changed, i guess not for better in terms of becoming more self-centered, losing some friends along the way, thoughts that i can't reveal. Been to here and there, stayed here and there, mind still sway here and there too. What is it like to be 28? Should i be achieving more?Own a house and a car? Get married? Own a few designer goods? Nope, i have none of that.

Being 28, i am focusing on my own well-being. I left my job. I refocus on my health and happiness. For the past few years, i have been pushing my body to the border of my limit, never thought my body would have changes that i have never expect, i've thought that i will be forever be in 25(prime age)- Maybe it was the signs of aging.

So, i sleep,i eat, i do my "business" for the past few months. But things didn't get better, i'm having insomnia now and then which has never happened to me before.

Then i picked up- Exercise. Oh man, it makes me sweat so much! Being a therapist, never have i walk the talk,maybe i should refocus my career choice! haha

There it is, all the babbling for today. I seem colder or cooler? ah, your judge!

Live your day <3 p="">

.make a change.

hey there:)
just wanna tell you all that,everyone suffered from their inner thought(the excessive one)

at least i can tell you that,i was,maybe am still suffering from some of my over thinking behavior,which most of the time of my life(1/4) am in a depressed mode
i isolate people,i put the blame on the love one or to everyone,blaming them on nothing,putting my emotional burden on them

In the real fact is,everyone suffered
most of them not showing it to others
most of them ignoring it
most of them living with it
most of them die from the inside

am sorry for putting my emotional burden to the others,showing those "faces"
like the whole world owe me a big time

no one responsible for your bad day,
no one responsible for your hard times
no one responsible for your past
no one does

whenever people gv your hard time,keep it to yourself,give others a good time
whenever people upset you,keep it to yourself,give others a smile

Hormonal games

Hi all! or hi me!

It just another day that i have been stuck in the room,literally

When all the emotions started to setting in and making me sinking into the sea of deep thought (Hormonal games on!)

Yes!i felt mistreated!i do not know what's/re the exact reasons why am feeling like this

(maybe am just trying avoid overthink about it)

This is the time,where i needed and misses her the most!

Because i know that,she's always the place i would wanna go for no matter good or bad things happened

Because i know that she love me and protect me whole heartedly like no one does

Her rough hands that used to comfort me

i misses all of that :(

 i love you mom,please stay happy at the other side of the world

promise me you will party hard up there

still you little girl, 

                            <3 div="">

it's been ages,eh,who am i telling to,this is a place where i can comfortably talk to myself and am not expecting anyone to read it.
I'm growing up from teen to now becoming a young adult,it feels like just a blink
but those heart work and things that i have seen,had made me becoming more...
am not sure which is the right word
mature?anti social?wiser?
not those i guess,am selectively sociable
am not mature too,am just keeping my mouth shut and that seems to be mature.

Am writing it here because i used to keep all the darkest secret here
ngeh,nah,no.haha. because i just needed a space to release it,that's all

The moment when you realized, your parents does not seems to be the one you always pictured of
maybe am a perfectionist which i doesn't realized of, i pictured of perfect things,and expected a lott
and this making my life so miserable somehow,and people around me,especially the love one

ohwell,coming back to that,what do u feel actually,realizing that your parents are actually just like any other people. Am speaking of lust actually when you wonder what is the thing am talking about.
i can't tell it more specifically,it just made my heart sunk and disappointed
i know,they are not saints.but still they r or they need to be the role model for their children.

it just very disappointing.who am i to judge them
i still love them