it's been ages,eh,who am i telling to,this is a place where i can comfortably talk to myself and am not expecting anyone to read it.
I'm growing up from teen to now becoming a young adult,it feels like just a blink
but those heart work and things that i have seen,had made me becoming more...
am not sure which is the right word
mature?anti social?wiser?
not those i guess,am selectively sociable
am not mature too,am just keeping my mouth shut and that seems to be mature.

Am writing it here because i used to keep all the darkest secret here
ngeh,nah,no.haha. because i just needed a space to release it,that's all

The moment when you realized, your parents does not seems to be the one you always pictured of
maybe am a perfectionist which i doesn't realized of, i pictured of perfect things,and expected a lott
and this making my life so miserable somehow,and people around me,especially the love one

ohwell,coming back to that,what do u feel actually,realizing that your parents are actually just like any other people. Am speaking of lust actually when you wonder what is the thing am talking about.
i can't tell it more specifically,it just made my heart sunk and disappointed
i know,they are not saints.but still they r or they need to be the role model for their children.

it just very disappointing.who am i to judge them
i still love them

.another conversation by my own.

just not belong to anywhere
not here and there
where's the best comfort of all?
be with my own
my family,i guess
sometimes,you just wanna have a chat with that particular person
guess that,the person won't be 24/7 available for u isn't it
why am talking to myself so much?
because i need to
is my habit
always felt good talking to myself
although it get really twisted sometimes when you hv too much conversation on your own
screw it, i don't care

told you that,she looks so much like my mom
i hold your hand and walk by your side today,step by step
i just miss you,mom ;)

.own.

because at the end,we will be alone.
learn to be the best companion for ourselves
and do not dependent on others,no matter how much you want

.good side.

when you have a face full of acne or pimples or scars
you will become very humble at that time
because u felt that , am not everybody's face( smooth and pretty)
you tends to be so humble and smile cheerfully
you just left with a cheerful smile :D

is not that bad right,thinks the good side

. coming back.

when shit just happened in your life,
you had 0 idea in reacting it
you left no choice but to stay slumber in reacting it
that's the best reaction isn't it?
eventually,you will know how to react towards it

you will start to feel emotional

you will cry out of nowhere

you just another walking dead that time

you soul slowly drifted away 

you are not you

you lost yourself in everything

it swallowing you bit by bit

this is the truth,the way i experienced.
Even it happened few years ago,but deep down you lost a piece
and you can't gain it back forever

 you found yourself sometimes, but you lost yourself most of the time

this silence surrounds me, thanks God, i became an observer
i've started to realize that i am that self pity all the way long

it's okay to be emotional,but not pitying own self all the time.

Get up and start working.

.you.

when i found that i have love a person more than the person does,am scared
i fear of being unloved
i fear of losing
i fear of all the uncertainties
i fear of being hurt
Ohwell,this is life isn't it? being fear and insecure towards everything
and i shall just give it a try
love while i can
because i might can't at the next second

.:).

and here the journey started.
a little small step to the dream i hv been dreaming of
Seeing the patients,how depress or optimistic are them,i felt the burden, i wanna be there for them and help them
There's no reason for what i like to do and wanted to do,is the burden i felt,is their smile that i wanna see in them
Seeing the companion of family together with the patient,is so precious,this is family,being there for them.
I'm glad i was there before for u mom,and i miss you every second.